Wednesday, October 29, 2008


What does it mean to have an almost asymptomatic benign brain tumor if you don't have surgery?

Well, to me right now it means constantly going in and out of denial. I don't have to clean my apartment right down to the bottom of my sock drawer just yet - I don't have to draw up a will just yet - I don't have to arrange cat care just yet - because it's (less than) three months away and maybe it's not growing at all - probably it's not growing at all - I won't need surgery - how could I need surgery? I've never had surgery in my life. I can't imagine having surgery. I won't imagine it. I'm not gonna need it. I refuse to need it. I feel fine. No headaches, no dizziness, no seizures.

Then I go stand in front of the mirror and close my left eye. The rest of me is still there, but my face is a dim pink blob disappearing into a foggy gray cloud.

That's on a good day.

On a bad day, I have no head.

Oh. Right. Brain tumor.

I think I'm getting a headache.

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